Setting Boundaries: What Is It and Why Is It Important?
Boundaries help establish what is appropriate behaviour in any given relationship, be it your professional or personal life.
From a young age, we have been taught to not inconvenience others to such an extent that saying ‘no’ seems so foreign. And if you are like me, you often find yourself saying yes to a countless number of requests, subsequently ending up with a lot on your plate. On the odd occasion we do say no, we end up feeling super guilty.
But where should we draw the line? When does it become too much? In order to ensure that we are not compromising our well-being by taking on everything that comes our way, we need to establish boundaries that reinforce our limits. The present article looks into the benefits of setting boundaries and how we can set our own. But first, let us consider what exactly are boundaries.
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What Are Boundaries?
In the context of Psychology, boundaries refer to when individuals set realistic expectations for any relationship, while also maintaining their identity and personal space. Any interpersonal relationship involves giving and receiving from two or more people, and it is quite easy to get carried away at times. In these cases, boundaries are beneficial as they can help us be in control of who we let into and out of our lives while also aiding in protecting our identity.
Each person has their own set of boundaries. For example, my boundaries might not be the same as yours or the next person’s. They tend to be heavily influenced by various factors such as our cultural background, personality and our upbringing. For example, individuals from individualistic cultures tend to prioritise taking individual liberties and place a high value on independence while individuals from collectivist cultures may not consider personal boundaries to be of high importance.
In addition to these social factors, some of our personal factors may also have an impact on how we define our limits in any relationship, which brings us to the six types of boundaries that we will cover in the next section
What Are the Different Types of Boundaries?
Currently, many experts have identified at least 6 types of boundaries namely mental, physical, emotional, time, sexual and material boundaries. Let us look closely at what each of them means.
a. Mental Boundaries:
This refers to creating healthy boundaries with the intention of preserving and protecting our mental energy, making use of it for things that matter.
b. Physical Boundaries:
Our need for personal space, comfort levels with various kinds of touch (greeting with a handshake vs. a hug), as well as our physical needs such as food, water and rest. Violations of physical boundaries include receiving inappropriate or unwanted touch, your physical needs being denied or someone entering your personal space.
c. Emotional Boundaries:
This is all about protecting and respecting our emotions and energy. Setting emotional boundaries not only means being aware of the limits of our emotional energy but also limiting the extent to which we receive others’ emotional energy.
d. Time Boundaries:
Our time is a limited and valuable resource, as a result, it is essential that we are mindful of how we spend it. These boundaries, whether at home, work or social gatherings, help us recognize our priorities and help manage various aspects of our lives without committing to a never-ending list of things.
e. Sexual Boundaries:
It is important to communicate clearly our boundaries regarding intimacy when in a romantic relationship. Healthy sexual boundaries include, but are not exclusive to, consent, agreement, respect, and acknowledging our preferences/desires as well as our privacy.
f. Material Boundaries:
Have you ever shared something of yours, just to have it misused by another person? Placing limits on who can use our possessions and how they can use them prevents future resentment from arising.
The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Boundaries
Throughout the article boundaries and healthy boundaries have been used interchangeably. But what exactly do we mean by a healthy boundary?
Healthy boundaries refer to when we respect each other’s limits, creating a sense of comfort and more importantly safety. For example, it is just as simple as saying no to someone when you are already juggling to do various things. On the other hand, unhealthy boundaries are when we have a complete disregard for our own boundaries as well as others’ boundaries. Oftentimes unhealthy boundaries can lead to abusive relationships, be it platonic, romantic or familial relationships.
So how do we ensure that the boundaries we establish are healthy and respectful?
Now that we have looked at the different types of boundaries we can set, let us consider why setting boundaries is important for our well-being.
Why Is Setting Boundaries Important?
First and foremost, setting a healthy boundary helps us take responsibility for our actions. Moreover, having healthy boundaries can help us nurture and maintain healthier interpersonal relationships without feeling manipulated or mistreated by someone else. It also gives you the opportunity to be able to communicate your needs and preferences effectively. Research has shown that when any of our boundaries such as physical boundaries are violated, we often experience discomfort which can often lead to experiencing feelings of anxiety and relationship fallouts.
Having healthy boundaries can work wonders for our mental health and well-being as well. It helps increase our self-esteem whilst also reducing any lingering negative feelings we may have such as self-doubt, sadness and shame for allowing mistreatment from others.
Moreover, when we have healthy boundaries, it helps avoid burnout and maintain a work-life balance. The pandemic has drastically changed how we work, as we discussed in our previous article. So much so that a 2020 survey discovered that the typical workday had increased by about 49 minutes! This extension of work hours ultimately spills over onto the time we have allocated for either family and friends or for ourselves. Extending the time we spend on work has been shown to lower our work performance ultimately leading to burnout. Furthermore, when we tend to take on more tasks at work, setting little to no boundaries, we are more likely to be overwhelmed by the various stressors we get exposed to during work.
How Can You Set Healthy Boundaries?
There are a lot of ways in which we can work towards ensuring that the boundaries we set are healthy and below are just some of the most common ways in which we can work towards the gold standard of healthy boundaries.
a. It Is OK to Say No
Although a monosyllabic word, we probably use the word less frequently because we feel guilty for saying “no” to someone or something, subsequently leading us to take on a never-ending stream of tasks.
By saying “no” we take control over how we allocate our time and energy throughout the day. It is the first step we take towards establishing our boundaries. Saying “no” doesn’t have to be rude, but neither does it require an in-depth apology or explanation.
b. Communicate Your Boundaries
Once we identify our expectations and our limitations, we need to work towards implementing them. However, this can be quite tough as many of us may find it uncomfortable to voice our boundaries. Establishing your limits clearly helps you put across your expectations regarding what responsibilities you are willing to take on without compromising your well-being.
c. Be Consistent
The boundaries we set have to be consistent. If we do not stick by our boundaries we are likely to confuse others, leading them to have various new expectations of us. Ensuring that our boundaries are consistent, reinforces our limits and values, clearly establishing them in all our relationships.
While we may feel guilty or harsh for establishing our boundaries, it is imperative to protect and maintain our mental health and well-being. It can be considered a self-care tool as it requires us to be aware of our needs to ensure that we do not get overwhelmed easily. Ultimately, setting healthy boundaries is a two-way street; not only should you expect people to respect the boundaries you set but also be respectful of the other’s boundaries.
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